Define Happy.

It's over now. It really is. I've always wanted this, but now I wonder whether I really wanted this to happen? Now that it has happened, I would be lying if I said I'm not sad. A huge lie, indeed. A friend asked why was I so sad since it was what I've always wanted all this while. Oh hey, who on earth would be so happy about it? It's some kind of a lost. Well that's how I would describe it. Just imagine you're in my shoe, would you be jumping around, though you know you'll just gonna get hurt even more if it doesn't happen? I accidentally cried when I read the first sentence of my eldest brother's text this morning. Yeah, he sent me a text informing me about it. I was speechless. No words could describe my feelings at that very moment. I couldn't imagine what would be happening in the future. We're no longer together. It's just too hard for me to accept this in a very short time. I've been avoiding calls from all 'private number'. I just don't feel like talking about it, for now. Too much information for today. Too much.

Life is short

This morning I received a text from mom. She said my cousin, Ashraf is now warded in ICU, and is in critical condition due to asthma. Ohmy, an unexpected news. He's only 17. He never showed any sign of having any sickness and suddenly he's now critical. He's one of my closest cousins. May Allah ease everything. I hope he would recover soon. Now I feel like flying back to Malaysia. :/

Hm life is short ay. But we just don't appreciate the time that we have. Sometimes some people tend to make more enemies than friends. Why oh why.

Reality

Reality is cruel. People keep saying to me to be positive and patient and that everything would be alright. The fact is, it would not and they know that. To a point you've got to be positive, but you've just got to be realistic. Anyhow, I'm grateful to have people around me supporting me and never failed to give me advices. I'm thankful dear God.

I was told that today is already the 4th trial. I wonder for how long would this come to an end. It seems never ending. He just don't wanna let go. I don't know what he actually wants. He did try to win over me, but truth is I never give a damn. It's just too much. I can't take it anymore. For god sake, enough with the 20years of lies. And some other small little things that I reckon he should have known, but he just don't give a damn.

I'm a human being, not a toy. I do have feelings. You just can't buy me with money or any other material. For all these while, you replaced everything with money and you thought everything was fine and I'm happy with it. Truth is, I've never been happy. How I wish I could tell all these right on your face. But I'm just too weak. Too weak. You would see tears instead of words. All I could do is to keep silent. Silence doesn't mean I'm okay with everything. I hope you would realize your mistakes one fine day and we'll be good. It won't be the same as before, but it would be better. Till then, bye.

I find myself pathetic. Thank you.

It's been a while since I last updated this blog. Pity mi blog. Nothing to babble about. And I reckon the events in my life just can't be put into words. Complicated it is.

Life has been good I guess? Making more friends and have broaden my network to a different level. And I realize the world is indeed small. Everyone knows everybody ay. Hm, it's been a year two months now, and I'm still breathing. I could live on my own, without being dependent on others.

I met someone early this year. Almost 6months now. A nice guy, different in all aspects. He never fails to make me laugh. Sometimes he's just freaking annoying. Blergh. I don't know how I could actually stand the annoyance. Lol. We're good friends, fullstop. I could talk to him about anything. He blends well with my other friends too, though we're sort of different. I am happy, but I still think I'm not ready, not just yet. I'm comfortable being just friends with everybody at the moment.

I'm sleepy. Nights!